Sometimes I think God likes to tease us in the form of tiny, timely coincidences… Today is one of those coincidences.
Exactly one year ago today, I sent Kara a picture of a Virgin Australia banner that I snapped at LAX, accompanied with a prodding text about visiting Australia—a follow up to one of our Villa Life deck night chats…
Today, 365 days later, I’m sitting on a Virgin Australia Boeing 737, and Kara’s in the row across from me typing away. The setting Australian sun is beaming through her window in such a way that I can really only see her silhouette. God, you are good.
I spent my last days in Australia with my beloved Noller boys. Sick as I was, it was special to know that I can still hang my hat at 53 Boyce Street. That house and those people have a timely, coincidental place in this whole growth and grace thing, come to think of it..
So, 4.5 years ago, I spent the better part of my post-college Australia trip with my Noller cousins. In hindsight, it’s where I began to fall in love with a boy back home. He sent me mail all the way to 53 Boyce St. Yep. Snail mail. The start of real, hard, true love.
Then one rainy December night a few years later, the boy from back home and I had dinner with my Noller cousins in Seattle. It was the night that everything changed. The theoretical ‘end’ of that real, hard, true love.
Math’s never been my thing, but if I have my numbers right, it’s been 365 days since that foreshadowing Virgin Australia photo was snapped. It’s been 15 months and one day since that boy broke my heart. And it’s been six weeks to the day since I left home for this little growth and grace journey. I can’t really believe any of it… But here is what I do believe 365 days // 15 months + 1 day // six weeks into it all:
- I still think about said boy every.single.day. Maybe that makes me pathetic. At the least, admitting so makes me honest. I still miss car-dancing to T-Swift with my best friend, I still miss making him dinner and I still miss holding his hand. I know, I know…. ‘time’ heals all…that’s what they all tell me… Maybe it will. It hasn’t yet.
- But there’s a big time change from my seat in 5D on this Boing 737 to home. Time feels different here. I feel more in control of it, even though to the untrained eye it might seem the exact opposite. At home I’m on such a schedule—letting time manage my every move. Workout, work, social obligations, meal prep, precious bedtime. We don’t even have time to think about time, let alone manage it. But time here isn’t really a thing at all. Half the time I have no idea what day it even is. Like I pledged in the beginning, I just wanted to create some time and space for my heart to heal out here in the world. Now that I’ve crossed the international date-line, and certainly am a few continents worth of space away, I’m hoping God will tease me a little with shimmers of healing. Maybe shimmers become beams, pretty as the ones streaming in on this 737 right now.
- Perspective is real. It’s complicated. But it’s real. One of my new favorite authors, Shauna Niequest talks about how comparing pain [[or joys]] is sort of a futile, exhausting, often self-depravating and dismissive exercise. In the same breath, I think perspective does help reel me back in to what’s important to me [[and unimportant]]. A balance to strike, for sure, but I think my six weeks abroad have brought good perspective. I have a good, beautiful life. Painful as it feels at times, [[and rightfully so, Shauna would encourage]], I am supremely blessed. Getting away from the comforts, joys and people that make home ‘home,’ reinforces that for sure.
I suppose if I put on my reflection cap, it might seem that my three biggest takeaways indicate that I am indeed growing and indeed still needing every ounce of grace. I’m not there yet. I don’t even quite know if / how ‘there’ works or what it looks like, but that time and space and perspective are stirring my heart makes me think something must be working…
Keep on, keepin on, God. I’m ready for ya.
…And if the Nollers are any indication of my life pendulum, I should be on the upswing after a week at 53 Boyce St.